


Please Try Again

by lapinprince



Category: Persona 5
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Both Akira and Ren exist, Falling In Love, Implied Sexual Content, M/M, Multiple Selves, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Past Ren/Ryuji, Pining, Ryuji and Ann as best friends, ShuAkeShu Big Bang 2018, Time Loop
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-06-10
Updated: 2018-07-10
Packaged: 2019-05-20 12:59:55
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 11,481
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14895083
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lapinprince/pseuds/lapinprince
Summary: After failing to complete his rehabilitation proper, the blood splatter from his forehead still fresh in his mind, Amamiya Ren has an option: spend eternity in the Velvet Room prison, or to “in a sense, try again”. Ren chooses the latter without a thought, something he is quite sure of until his world blurs and he comes face to face with himself.





	1. awakening

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> happy big bang!! here is a concept that's been bouncing in my head since the name for ren came out. ive got quite a bit of it planned out so im hoping i can actually finish this!! 
> 
> i actually have two more chapters written but i need to add some more and edit it. ill update the fic with the new chapters over time to let me pace things out more!
> 
> thank you to my two amazing artists kayla and kisa!! you can find kayla's cover piece for this fic [here](https://twitter.com/Frostpebble/status/1005939129480351745), and kisa's piece will come up later on in the fic! 
> 
> kudos and comments are all appreciated. i know i never reply to comments here bc i get shy but i still read them and love them!! 
> 
> my twitter is @[laprincenico](https://twitter.com/laprincenico) and you can find me there as usual! thanks to del and bagel again for always letting me bounce my ideas. 
> 
> -♔

Amamiya Ren could still feel the heat of the gun barrel ghosting against his forehead when he opened his eyes. 

A sticky warm wetness that wasn’t there matted in his bangs like a phantom limb, and he had to lift a hand to swipe under his fringe to make sure that he wasn’t actually bleeding. His hand came away dry, though the centre of his forehead continued to throb painfully as he processed the situation. He looked up to the glowing source of light amongst the blue tinged darkness and saw two figures standing at the bars. Realizing he was in the Velvet Room again, he stood up from his prisoner’s bed and approached the opening of his jail cell. Caroline and Justine flanked the entrance as usual, though the tension between the two made this visit seem… different. Ren shivered as he peeked out through the bars, seeing the wardens standing stiffly with their batons tight in their hands, refusing to look at him. 

Still reeling from the shock of adrenaline passing, he focused his gaze onto Igor sitting hunched over his desk, fingers laced together as usual. “...So, uh… I fucked up, huh?” Ren said, quite bravely and almost stupidly so. Igor chuckled darkly, shaking his head.

“Yes, I would say that you did,” he said, staring at Ren with wide, bloodshot eyes. “You are now dead. Your rehabilitation has ended.” Ren knew that this wouldn’t be the sort of situation where he would be patched up and tossed back a week or so before to try again. He squeezed his hand into a fist, feeling his nails dig into the soft skin of his palm, relishing the pain. He still felt alive, still felt his heart thrumming in his chest, still felt like he was going to be given another chance despite what he was told. So why was he still here?

“You came close, Amamiya Ren, much closer than others. So I brought you here to strike you a deal.” Igor spoke with such practiced articulation that Ren expected that he had the line rehearsed. He clutched the bars with cold and shaking hands, his pale and bruised face staring steadily between the iron. 

“You have the choice of two options. The first, to spend eternity a prisoner of the Velvet Room for your punishment. The second, to– in a way– try again.” 

“I’ll do it,” Ren said without thinking. Igor paused for a moment, a wicked and crooked smile spreading across his face.

“I have not told you the exact details regarding the second option,” he said, smiling knowingly. 

“You don’t need to. I’ll do it, it must be better than being a prisoner forever,” Ren rattled off, feeling his heartbeat quicken anxiously as the adrenaline pumped through his veins again. Igor chuckled at his impatience. His recklessness would surely follow him to the grave.

“Very well. If you do not need the details, I will send you on your way then.” Caroline and Justine stayed silent as Ren began to float, surrounded in strange blue flames that pushed up into the air from where he stood. He yelped at the cool sensation of the fiery energy lifting him and phasing his body through the bars, keeping him suspended in midair before Igor. With the wardens’ blank expressions, he wondered if they had seen many prisoners get a chance like this.

“I wish you the best of luck, Amamiya Ren,” Igor said. Ren began to reply, but his mouth opened and let out a raspy, swallowed gasp instead of words. A sharp pain began to radiate in his body, spreading slowly from his heart outwards, making his fingers tingle and go numb. He began to writhe in Igor’s clutch, the searing white hot fire in his skull soon making it impossible to talk or even make a noise. It soon came to a level where he couldn’t even move, his head hanging backwards with his mouth lolled open, eyes unfocused and unmoving, wondering why he never learned. All he saw before his vision went black was the sadistic grin of Igor, fingers still folded in a tent under his chin, no time to retract his decision or even regret what he decided, and then Amamiya Ren was no more.

* * *

Kurusu Akira tilted his head back as he sat in bed, shoulders sore from the trip to Mementos from earlier that day. He slowly rolled his shoulders back, knowing the pain probably stemmed from his poor posture when firing his gun, as Iwai pointed out to him in a gruff voice. He idly tapped on his phone screen, making sure he left food out for the cats in his Nekoatsume game before switching to another, similar collector game.

“Tired?” Morgana chirped, hopping onto the windowsill by him. His white tipped tail flicked in the air as he looked over the exhausted boy. “You should get some sleep,” he added after Akira yawned sleepily.

“Yeah, I think I should,” he agreed, putting his phone down and getting out of bed. He crossed the creaky attic floor to the stairs, carefully descending the stairs to the downstairs area of the cafe to get ready for bed. 

“I wonder what comes next,” Akira mumbled to himself, brushing his hair knowing fully well that it would be mussed in the morning anyway. 

“After Okumura’s palace? I dunno,” Morgana chirped, making his presence known by the door. Akira knelt down and brushed through Morgana’s fur, earning him a happy purr. 

“Just keep exploring Mementos now that more has opened up, I guess?” Akira asked, wiping his face clean with a washcloth. Morgana hummed in agreement, turning to go back up the stairs. Probably because it was getting cold downstairs, Akira figured. He finished up brushing his teeth and dragged his weary body back up the stairs and onto his bed.

“School tomorrow…” he yawned again, scooting forward and sliding himself under the covers. He dutifully set an alarm or five for the next morning on his phone, resting it by his pillow once he finished. Rolling onto his side, he opened his arms out to Morgana, who padded down from the windowsill and hopped onto the bed. Akira’s companion curled up in his arms, snuggling his face into the boy’s chin, quite content.

* * *

Akira opened his eyes to swathes of deep royal blue, prison bars, and a weight at his ankle. He supposed it was time for a check in with Igor, but the air felt different this time, less stagnant. Curiously, he slid out of his stiff prison cot and approached the bars, his thin fingers curling slowly around them as he took in the atmosphere. The warden of the prison sat at his desk under the bright spotlight as usual, his eyes closed in deliberation. 

“I have decided to give you something to aid with your rehabilitation,” Igor stated carefully after the bout of silence, hands pressed together, fingertips touching his lips as he thought of what to say next. Caroline and Justine nodded along with his words, making it hard to tell if they knew what he was planning or not. The prison bars to Akira’s cell disintegrated, and with a single crooked finger Igor beckoned him forward. He stepped carefully towards him, uncertain for what this “something” could be. 

“Kurusu Akira, one condition that you should know that you are not the only one embarking on this quest- others are as well. Naturally, while some succeed, some fail.” Igor paused for effect, watching Akira’s face carefully. The words sounded foreign to the boy, but he subconsciously craned forward as Igor continued. “You are on the right track, though your journey from here becomes more difficult. To ensure your success, we must capitalize others’ failures.”

“Capitalize–?” Akira mouthed, horridly confused. 

“You will receive a guide of sorts to help keep you towards your goal. Think of it as a reward for your work thus far.” Igor reached a scraggly hand forward and flourished it towards Akira. A strange energy resonated from his head, and with a blinding flash of fluorescent blue light, a large red figure appeared in front of Akira. Something in his chest warmed as he recognized who it was.

The magical flames wickered away to reveal the form of Arsene, floating in place, unmoving. Akira’s hand began to reach out to his beloved Persona, freezing in place once he heard a sickening scream of anguish come from the red figure. Akira’s eyes widened as Arsene shook violently, thrashing suddenly, grabbing at himself as if trying to be rid of his own body, letting out pained gasps and shouts of incoherent words. Akira jumped back, confused and afraid of what was happening to Arsene.

“Is this… Arsene?” Akira asked, practically able to feel the pain that his Persona was in. He huddled into himself, arms crossed and holding his arms, the scene before him chilling to his bones. Igor chuckled at the question and the reaction, brushing aside the obvious fear in Akira. 

“Not any longer, no,” was all Igor said in response, allowing the sight before them to speak for itself. Arsene’s frantic movements slowed and he began to descend to the ground, shoulders heaving at he tried to take in breath after laboured breath, his whole form glowing blue as he did so. The silhouette of his body contorted and shrunk smoothly until he dropped onto the floor, no longer as his bulky Persona form but as what looked like a human, also donning a prisoner's uniform. The figure breathed heavily on all fours, their head tucked down, shoulders convulsing occasionally and body shaking still from pain. 

Without thinking, Akira stepped forward, holding a hand out to the figure. “I don’t need help,” the figure spat as they steadily got to their feet. The residual glowing faded away as the figure stood up straight, and Akira found himself face to face with his own image, like looking in a mirror. 

“...Is that what you meant by “in a way”?” the other prisoner said abruptly, tilting his head rudely towards Igor. His voice was slightly strained, but with an angry conviction that Akira could never replicate himself. He was shocked to see that the boy looked exactly like him, complete with the fluffy curly black hair- the only difference was that this boy’s eyes were a shining silvery grey compared to Akira’s golden irises. 

“Yes. Kurusu Akira, this is a version of yourself from a different universe, Amamiya Ren. He failed his rehabilitation, and to repent for his actions he will spend the time being serving as your guide.” Igor held a hand out to introduce the two. “He has replaced Arsene in a way, but he will also be available here if you need to consult with him.” Ren gave a sour look to Igor, as if he had been tricked. Akira had barely seen that expression on his own face before. 

“You said I had another chance,” Ren seethed. He stared at Akira, from his gentle gold eyes and nervous, fearful expression to his withering posture, but when he opened his mouth to speak again, he said nothing. Igor watched on expectantly. 

“... Nevermind. I'll help him,” he said, all of the chaotic anger resonating from him disappearing all at once. He readjusted his posture and faced Akira, making him wonder what suddenly made him change his mind. “Where are we in the timeline? Who’s palace are you at?” This time, Ren’s questions were focused to Akira. 

“Uhm… We just defeated Okumura’s palace,” he said. Ren’s grey eyes lit up in realization. Akira noticed that the eyes weren’t the only difference between them; everything about him was the same, but sharper somehow, and with the way he carried himself, Ren seemed to be taller than Akira despite the two being the same height. Ren caught Akira’s eye as he was peering at his figure probably a bit too closely and gave the slightest of smirks in response. Akira looked away pointedly, his ears pink.

“Okay. So I’m your Persona now, I guess?” Ren asked. Akira glanced towards Igor, whose hands were laced together as he watched the two. 

“Yes, Amamiya Ren will act as the guide of Kurusu Akira, in the form of Arsene. I trust that your judgment would be sound regarding what you should share with Kurusu Akira, yes?” Igor replied, an expectant look aimed towards Ren, who just gave a non committal shrug in return.

“Good,” Igor said, “I expect nothing but the best from you, Kurusu Akira.” Akira’s eyelids suddenly felt heavy, his consciousness a blur until he woke to a trilling alarm, the first of his series of five. 

_”Jesus!”_ Akira heard in his head as he reached over to turn it off, blearily looking at the time.

“Ren? Is that you?” Akira said aloud, noting that he still had another hour before he had to get up. He heard a quiet scoff in response. Was Ren now resident in his head?

 _”Yeah. I guess you can hear me then, isn’t that convenient,”_ Ren replied drily, _”You may want to try talking to me in your head instead of out loud unless you want Sojiro to hear you.”_ Akira rested his head back on his pillow, obviously too sleepy to think straight.

 _”That makes sense. I’m surprised that you’re in my head. None of my other Personas are,”_ Akira rubbed his eyes, wondering briefly where Morgana went. 

_”Guess I’m special. And the cat’s on the windowsill,”_ Ren said without missing a beat. Akira glanced up to the windowsill to vaguely see a black lump of fur resting on it, as Ren had claimed. His brow furrowed, sure that he didn’t say that part out loud. 

_”You can hear my thoughts too?”_ Akira wasn’t sure if he wanted to have Ren in his head, especially during the times where his mind starts to wander. His ears went pink again at the thought of it.

 _”Apparently, yes. Don’t worry, your secrets are safe with me.”_ Ren snickered, and Akira immediately had a sinking feeling in his stomach.

 _”O-oh?”_ Akira evidently failed at seeming as put off as he was, as Ren barked a laugh.

 _”Yeah, I won’t tell anyone that you were checking me out earlier,”_ he said smugly. Akira covered his face with his blankets, his cheeks feeling warm. He sputtered some excuse about just wanting to see if they were truly the same, but Ren’s tutting drowned it out. _”It’s alright, I wouldn’t be surprised if another me needed a good look too.”_ Akira quietly grumbled into his duvet.

 _”Anyway, what’s the plan today? Work? Hanging out with friends? Mementos? Sneaking out at night?”_ Ren asked, voice quite chipper for it being the crack of dawn. Akira shook his head slowly.

 _”I have… school… then I was planning on doing homework after school…”_ He picked up his phone again and scrolled through his calendar to see if he had anything scheduled. Ren snorted. Considering the differences they had already displayed, Akira felt like he was probably the more studious of the two. With the following rant of his Persona, Akira found that he was able to tune Ren out rather easily, as he went about getting ready for school without really hearing a word.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ya think i should tag for ren/akira because thats also... thats also viable


	2. adaptation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Akira gets used to having Ren around, and is astounded at how much the other can do.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the literal fastest ive updated anything in my life. even better: i have the 3rd chapter almost all written too. im being a responsible writer? what am i even doing
> 
> anyway! im glad people are enjoying this fic! ill be keeping most things total secret though and will be adding more tags as they come up. i was really kinda locked in a forever editing phase so there may be some errors that ill quietly fix on my own later
> 
> you can find me and other ways to support my writing (a new thing!!) on my twitter at @[laprincenico](https://twitter.com/laprincenico)! 
> 
> thank you for all the kudos and comments again i try to respond but i am shy quq
> 
> -♔

The following days went by without much event, save for getting used to how it is living with someone else in your head. Akira realized how talkative that Ren could be, certain that it was because his other self liked the sound of his own voice, if not to just annoy him. He usually made sarcastic commentary throughout Akira’s days, criticizing him for his taste of bun for lunch or making crude comments about Ann or Makoto when they bent over. Unsurprisingly, he made similar remarks about Yusuke and Ryuji too– nobody was safe from this weirdly flirtatious version of himself. He was starting to get a bit awkward whenever he got undressed, until Ren conceded and said he’d “turn the other way” during Akira’s private times. He didn’t express any outright discomfort about it, despite his little shuffles trying to get his underwear on as quickly as possible. 

_”I’m not stupid,”_ was what Ren said when Akira wondered how the other was prompted to start to avert his non physical eyes. He supposed that was the case, but it wasn’t like he was thinking “wow, I feel uncomfortable when I know the other me inside my head is looking when I’m taking my shirt off”, verbatim. 

_”Do you see everything through my eyes?”_ Akira asked, sitting on his bed with a pillow in his lap and his hands resting on top. 

_”Hm… kind of? It’s literally like I’m inside your head. Your eyes are like windows, I guess, but I can see around you too. I’m just like… here.”_ Ren explained, struggling to do so eloquently. 

_”Like a… um... “_ Akira’s brow furrowed as he tried to think of an appropriate analogy. _”Kind of like a guardian angel?”_ Ren went silent in his head, making Akira’s cheeks flush. Was that a stupid thing to say? He let out a breath he didn’t realize he was holding when Ren sputtered into a laugh.

 _”Listen, I’m no angel, but whatever works for you, I guess,”_ he said, recovering from his little fit. Akira could imagine Ren wiping at his eye for the theatrics if he visualized him hard enough. _”I’m your Persona. I’m Arsene. I’m another you from a different universe. You don’t gotta sweat the details,”_ he continued, and Akira didn’t press further.

That exchange was just the beginning of learning what his new companion was capable of. At first the idea of a resident in his head was nervewracking if not unpleasant, but Akira soon discovered that despite the initial differences, having Ren around wasn’t actually that bad. The gears slowly began to turn in Akira’s head as he familiarized himself with this new routine, with an additional entity around.

Ability to see all around him aside, Ren’s sporadic observations during his days eventually brought Akira to realize that Ren was also just perceptive, but incredibly so. While he didn’t seem to be very keen with interpreting others’ feelings emotionally, Ren caught other tells, nervous habits or fluctuating tones of voice that gave the other person away . Akira never realized how often he read others wrong, or didn’t say what the other person wanted to hear until Ren was watching, quietly providing the right words to say in stage whispers to him.

“I see what you mean,” Kawakami had said, crossing her arms in thought, back leaning against the hallway wall. “I’ll keep that in mind, then. Thanks, Kurusu.” Akira’s heart pounded with sheer adrenaline just from having effortlessly navigated a tough conversation with Kawakami, when any sort of talking with adults made him anxious. Once she left, Akira let out an exhale of relief and mumbled his thanks to Ren, earning him a laugh in reply.

Ren’s skills that he built up in his own world also proved even more useful by his perfect directions on how to build a flasher bomb to distract Shadows in the Metaverse when Akira struggled to follow Morgana’s help. _”No, other side– okay, turn it now–”_ prompted Ren, Akira’s fingers trembling as he followed his instructions. When he showed off the finished product Morgana’s tail flicked, pleased, and Akira flustered at the praise that he felt should be shared.

 _”I’m helping, but it’s all about you in the end, Akira, take pride in what you did,”_ came into his head as Akira tucked the flasher bomb into his bag for later use. He didn’t respond, cheeks still pink.

To wrap up the growing list of helpful qualities of his other self, Akira supposed that Ren would also be useful if it ever came to anything on the more romantic side, especially considering the smooth moves Akira suddenly acquired when talking to Hifumi for example, and the borderline embarrassing pick up lines that echoed in his head whenever he even approached Yusuke. He was conflicted whether he’d actually want Ren’s help with dating, if he were to be honest with himself. At the same time there were also quips here and there implying his past relationships and a rather bafflingly impressive feat of getting the Ryuji of his world to engage in some more illicit activities, something he didn’t need the details of and wouldn’t doubt anyway. In the end, if it came to it, he supposed he’d have someone to turn to for advice.

* * *

“Huh, you’ve improved a lot,” Sojiro commented, watching Akira’s steady hand over the coffee siphon carefully. Akira exhaled nervously, pulling the pot around in slow, tight circles to ensure that the hot water was evenly dispersed throughout the coffee grounds. It wasn’t often that Akira decided to help Sojiro after he got home from school since he was not the best barista, but Ren convinced him to give it a try anyway. He was surprised to see that pouring was a bit easier this time around.

“Practice, I guess–” he mumbled, setting the pot down once he was finished. Sojiro knelt down to watch the steady stream of coffee into the cup below the siphon. He picked it up once the drips came to a slow stop and took a small sip using a spoon, turning the liquid over in his mouth. The man pushed the cup into Akira’s hands soon after that, appraising the taste of the coffee.

“Not bad, kid,” he said, a hint of a smile on his face. “You really have been practicing, huh? Just don’t waste what you pour.” He pulled his pink apron off and hung it on a hook by the kitchen door, exchanging it for his jacket and hat. 

“Are you headed home now?” Akira asked, cradling the cup in his hands and taking a sip himself. He hadn’t quite grasped a good palate for coffee yet, but even he could tell that it tasted much better than his usual work.

“Yep, gotta grab some groceries on the way home for Futaba, too. I’ll see you later, don’t forget to lock up,” he said, emerging from behind the counter. He nodded his head in acknowledgment and exited the cafe.

 _”You’re good at this,”_ Akira thought to Ren as the door shut, licking his lips and taking another sip. 

_”So I’m told,”_ Ren countered, obviously aware of his great skill. Akira hummed and took another gulp, vaguely considering that he probably shouldn’t be drinking caffeine at 10 PM. 

_”Does this mean I can use your skills, then? You didn’t give me directions like with the flasher bomb,”_ Akira asked, setting the cup down. He stirred it idly, mainly just to give himself something to do that wasn’t drinking it. 

_”I guess so. I just kinda watched you do it and pretended like I was doing it. Banana nose didn’t exactly give me a manual or anything,”_ Ren said. He paused, humming for a short while while Akira snickered quietly at the nickname for Igor. _”Hey, drink that again?”_ Akira brought the cup to his lips once more and took another sip. Ren made a satisfied sounding noise. 

_”Could you taste it?”_ There was barely any coffee left in the cup, so Akira resigned to draining the rest of the cup. He turned and set the cup in the sink, turning on the tap to wash it.

 _”Yeah. Weird, huh? Hey, can you get curry udon tomorrow–?”_ His other self sounded like an excited puppy with the thought of the dish. Akira wondered if it was Ren’s favourite food.

 _”Sure,”_ Akira said, chuckling quietly. He wasn’t that fond of udon noodles himself, but with how happy Ren seemed, it was a small sacrifice to make.

Akira found that it wasn’t just Ren’s proficiency and charm that he could access, nor the sharing of senses; a few days before the death of Haru’s father, Ren gave a solemn warning to Akira about what would happen in the following days. Akira could hardly believe that Haru’s father would die, but the lowering of Ren’s voice and the seriousness of his tone was enough to convince him. 

Luckily, Haru had other reason to be concerned about her father’s mental state, and with Akira’s careful approach to the group having a bad feeling about the conclusion of the palace, he was somehow able to pad the shock of his death too. She wasn’t as devastated as she would have been, and she reached out to the Thieves for support in such a difficult time. The group had a nice hot pot dinner and sleepover together in Haru’s mansion to help it from feeling so empty and lonely, which brought them all closer together after such a tragedy.

 _”I thought you weren’t allowed to tell me what was going to happen,”_ Akira had asked Ren on their way home the next morning. 

_”He just told me that he “trusts my judgment” or whatever. I figured it’d save some heartbreak,”_ Ren replied, nonchalant as usual. _”Either way… something’s different than from what happened with me. If you don’t end up the same way that I did, I’m doing my job right,”_ he continued, his voice quieting.

 _”Thank you,_ Akira replied, a soft smile on his face, heart warm knowing that Ren was doing his best to help him. He was getting used to the presence of him from day to day, and he was proving himself to fill in for all the flaws that Akira had– which was a lot, as he unfortunately found. But over just a week, Akira’s reservations towards Ren melted away– maybe his other self _would_ be helpful to him.

* * *

“Joker, watch out!” Yusuke bellowed, holding a hand out in a futile attempt to shield him, his white mask shrouded in the reddish shadow of Mementos. Akira heard Futaba and Ren shout something similar at the same time, and the onslaught of simultaneous warnings resulted in Akira not processing what was happening around him in the slightest. He whirled around to locate the threat, but quickly found himself winded and on the ground before he could do a thing.

 _”Geez, are you normally this clumsy?”_ Ren jeered in his head as Akira picked himself up from the ground. In his defense, it was well over a week since they were last in the Metaverse, so he could blame his stumble on the lack of practice. His golden eyes focused on the fairy like shadows in front of him, a crowd floating around them in a taunting manner, giggling and pointing on top of that. Ann, Yusuke, and Morgana took their turns, launching attack after attack onto the shadows, their efforts barely thinning them out. He gripped his knife, ready for his own attack, hesitating when he remembered what he now had in his arsenal. His hand drifted to his face, ready to clutch his mask.

 _”Do it,”_ Ren said, confident. _”It’ll be worth it.”_

Still, Akira hesitated. For what, he wasn’t sure– part of him was scared to see the extent of Ren’s power, but another part of him was bubbling with anticipation. His gloved fingers grasped the corners of his mask, trembling slightly with what would come next. 

_”Akira,"_ Ren called, breaking him out of his reverie. Akira’s eyes snapped open, feeling the power rush through his whole being as the grip on his mask tightened.

“Arsene!” Akira shouted, ripping this mask off in a burst of hot blue flames. His persona came rushing forward, arms outstretched with dark energy emanating from his hands. Though his form was essentially the same as before, something felt different, more familiar. The curse exploded around all of the Shadows, leaving them shrieking in pain, dissipating into black matter. 

The group went stock still at the sheer display of power. Ann’s grasp on her whip slackened and it slid to the floor, curling unnoticed by her boots. “Whoa, that was awesome–” she said in awe. Akira peered upwards at Ren, speechless at what he saw. His other self stood still, wings splayed out behind him, arms static by his side, a hand holding the black mask that covered his face. Despite that, his face showed an emotion that, again, Akira wasn’t sure he had ever felt– Ren looked absolutely triumphant, eyes flashing, a wild grin on his face. He had clearly missed the thrill of battle, or perhaps he was relishing the feeling of being the powerful entity with destructive magic. Akira wondered if the others could see his face, but judging by the crowd of victory shouting, he was the only one audience to such a sight. Ren glanced down at him, eyes wide in exhilaration. He said something to him, but the boy couldn’t hear it over the rushing sound of energy flowing around him.

Akira felt something off in his heart, somewhat, but he quietly summoned Ren back to his mask once he realized that he had been standing out there for far longer than usual for his Personas’ attacks. He hoped that his friends hadn’t noticed his hesitation, or thought too deeply about the sudden change of power. _”That was worth it,”_ Akira admitted quietly, readjusting his grip on his weapon. Ren gave a chuckle, but went strangely silent after that. It wasn’t until the group emerged from Mementos that Akira noticed Ren’s quietness, not having said a thing at all, almost disappearing in the depths of Akira’s mind, leaving him to his thoughts alone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> stay tuned for moro akechi


	3. hijacking

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ren wakes up, Akira nowhere to be found, and has to live a day in the life of Kurusu Akira. 
> 
> It goes _splendidly._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i realized i couldnt say 'moro akechi' because he hadnt appeared yet. and also his debut had to be delayed more than i wanted too. but. its fine
> 
> either way yknow it feels so promising that ive got a third chapter out and im working on the next one already. so, so promising. this is actually a bit of an ambitious project and definitely gonna be my longest fic, so i hope i can get through it! pls stick around for the ride +u+
> 
> i had to rework the structure of the next little while actually because this chapter ended up Super Long so the next one might be ridiculously short, who knows. this is mostly unbeta'd bc i rlly wanted to get it posted before i went to sleep 
> 
> thanks for all the comments, kudos, and other forms of support! its actually been an extremely rough time for me lately and whenever i get an email with another comment it really makes my day. ill link another form of support with my twitter post for this update! i tried to reply to some comments uhu;; you can find me at @[laprincenico](https://twitter.com/laprincenico) but you can also send stuff to my [curiouscat](https://curiouscat.me/lapinprince) if youd like! 
> 
> -♔

Akira woke up a few mornings later just in time for his last alarm to start blaring. He heard Ren swearing at the volume of them, somewhere distant in his head, and mumbled an apology as he reached over to his phone. The poor boy had stayed up late the night before studying for an upcoming math test the next day, ignoring all of Ren’s prompting to just leave it and go to bed, obviously favouring the idea of a good night’s sleep over being more prepared. He may have been right, as Akira could barely remember what he was revising only hours before. His notebooks and pens were still splayed out on his work desk, due to giving up and shuffling straight to bed earlier on. It was so unfair to have a test a week or so before exams. 

“Should’ve listened to you,” Akira yawned aloud to Ren. He glanced to his phone to check the time, resigning himself to the minimal time laying in bed and moving to get up. He must have been feeling especially groggy, since his limbs were moving with somewhat of a disconnect, like a lag. 

“Must be really tired,” Akira mumbled, used to being disoriented first thing in the morning. His poor vision didn’t help him any either, and after patting the bed next to his pillow he found that his glasses were nowhere to be found. He paid it all no mind though, as sometimes he took literal hours to wake up fully anyway, and he decided to look more for his glasses after brushing his teeth and washing his face.

Standing up proved to be a similar struggle. He didn’t feel very wobbly, eliminating his exertion in the Metaverse as an excuse. But he stood up to get ready for the day, and his mind was so sluggish that he had already forgotten the issue seconds later. Moving around his room like in a fog, he went to gather his belongings to get ready for school. But sleepiness was already overcoming him and he felt his eyes close while stepping down the stairs. He braced for his body to teeter forward down the rest of the flight, everything going black before he could even register the pain.

* * *

Ren finally opened his eyes again, a hand shooting out to grab a railing, catching himself from toppling down to the ground floor. He felt the rough texture of the bag straps in one hand, the smooth wood of the railing in the other, and the weightiness of the bag pulling down on his shoulder, how gravity ought to behave. As an added factor of confusion, everything was blurry, like looking through a disgustingly smudged up glass, but he couldn’t wipe it back to clarity. He reached up to touch at his face, finding just facial features and no glasses. Something was off. 

“Hey, Morgana?” Ren called, hesitantly climbing back up the stairs, trying to just use muscle memory to judge the height difference in steps. The cat hopped over to the attic landing, blue eyes looking up curiously at him, though he looked more like a black and white blob at the moment. 

“What’s up? Aren’t you going to be late, Akira? You’ve only got half an hour before class starts,” Morgana said, tilting his head. 

Ren swore internally. “Yeah. Do you know where my… glasses are?” he asked, apprehensive about so much of this right now, but having no time to sort it out. Morgana’s ears flicked and he wordlessly burrowed through the crack between the bed and the wall, tail swishing frantically as he reached for the glasses. He returned shortly after with an arm of the glasses delicately balanced in his mouth, dropping them at Ren’s feet.

“Here you go!” Morgana chirped, his bright eyes sparkling. “I’m going to get breakfast from Sojiro, I’ll meet you downstairs!” He slinked past his legs to head to the ground floor, leaving Ren alone in the attic. He knelt down and picked up the pair of glasses, sliding them onto his face. 

“Fuck,” he mumbled to himself as the whole world became clear– or as clear as it would be, considering the actual smudges all over the lenses. Pulling them off to give them a quick clean, Ren let the reality of all this sink in. 

“Akira, are you there?” No answer. 

“Akira?” Nothing. Ren checked Akira’s phone to look at the time, and he was cutting it dangerously short. He had managed to establish, though, that he was indeed in Akira’s body and Akira himself was nowhere to be found. Ren wondered if he had accidentally booted him out of his own body altogether, or if he was just sleeping– either way, if he didn’t want to destroy Akira’s reputation entirely he would have to go to school and just figure it out as he went.

“Dear god, how can you see with your hair in your face–” Ren grumbled, heading over to the small mirror at Akira’s desk and pushing a side of his bangs back, leaving the rest to lay over his forehead. He looked just like how he did when he was alive, with a few differences– he noticed the change from visible muscle to having toned and lean arms instead. His facial features were softer too, less of a pronounced jaw and cheekbones and more of a round look to his face. The changes weren’t that noticeable though; he doubted anyone could tell such minute differences unless they were standing next to each other. Add in the factor that he’s in the “right” body for this universe, he should be able to blend in just fine aside from the hair, except…

“Oh, shit–” Ren knew that there was something that didn’t look particularly right. He blinked his piercing silver eyes, the complete opposite of the warm golden eyes that Akira had. It was comically inconvenient, who knew that if your Persona possessed your body, you’d have their eye colour! He desperately hoped that nobody could see it, and if they could, that they wouldn’t notice. His hand threaded through the side of his hair more to make it a bit more dramatic, so if anyone noticed anything, it was the hair and not his eyes, since there were way fewer valid excuses for that. Gold can’t just _happen_ to look silver all of a sudden, and Akira didn’t seem the type to wear circle lenses, either. 

“‘m overthinking again,” he mumbled, stopping himself. Phone safely in his pocket, Ren slung the bag onto his shoulder and dashed down the stairs. 

“You’re gonna be late, kid,” Sojiro greeted, holding out a plate with a slice of buttered toast and what looked like a thin spread of curry on top. 

“I woke up late,” Ren replied, taking the toast with gratitude and shoving nearly half of it in his mouth, swallowing it roughly before saying, “Thanks, Boss.” He trailed to the end of the counter to pick up Morgana, freezing at Sojiro’s response.

“Huh, you’ve never called me Boss before,” the man chuckled, turning to measure out coffee beans. Ren swore in his head and scrambled for an excuse– of _course_ Ren had to be the only one to exclusively call him that. What did Akira call him, Dad? 

“Oh, I have! Guess you haven’t noticed– Anyway, bye!” he lied, shoving Morgana roughly into his bag in his haste and rushing out the door, the bell hanging above jingling quietly in his wake.

“Geez, be careful!” Morgana yowled as he readjusted himself in the bag.

“Oh, sorry Morgana–” Ren huffed as he navigated the train station. Right, Akira loved this cat for some reason. Asking Ren to love a cat was a very tall order. He only then realized that it was going to be an extremely long day.

* * *

School thankfully went by without too much issue. Ren acted as normally as possible, sitting down in Akira’s usual seat near the front, by the windows. _’Wonder how he gets away with working on other things sitting up here,’_ he thought to himself as he opened his books, the lesson starting. 

He paid attention in the classes he’s already attended, making sure to take good notes so Akira could catch up. The math test came and went without much stress too, since Ren had a knack for mathematics, and also because he had taken this test only a month prior himself. He turned his paper over before anyone else did, forcing him to remember that Akira was not the best at math, and usually struggled until the very end of the class to finish. He considered erasing some answers and replacing them with incorrect ones, scoffing at his penchant for overthinking again. Nobody would be suspicious if Kurusu Akira had one good grade in math. 

At lunch, he quickly nabbed a bowl of curry udon, relishing his time in an actual body to enjoy his favourite comfort food. He took the stairs two at a time up to the roof to meet with the rest of the Thieves, a little disappointed that he was huffing and puffing so much from the exercise. Greeting his friends who had already started to dig into their own lunches, he sat down next to Ryuji when the blond eagerly patted the empty spot beside him.

“How was the math test?” Ann asked him, grimacing. Most of the lunch period was spent complaining about homework and tests, leaving Ren to enjoy his curry udon in peace. He set down his empty bowl once he was finished, leaning back to listen to his friends. It was strange, because while they _were_ his friends, they seemed a little different at the same time. The atmosphere was a bit off, feeling more warm like a comforting hug, as opposed to the efficient and fun loving group that he had left behind. His stomach dropped, wondering how they were doing without him. 

“Akira, did you get a haircut?” Haru piped up, round eyes peering at him carefully. Shit. 

“Oh, your hair _is_ different– I thought something looked off,” Makoto added, the curious look in her eyes just a bit too smart for Ren’s liking.

“Huh– oh no, I just tucked my hair back because it’s long enough to get in my face now,” Ren said, starting to come up with excuses for the inevitable next observation. “D-does it look okay…?” he added, glancing down shyly and reaching up to tug his hair back from behind his ear. 

“It looks good! Just different, is all,” Haru said, beaming at her friend. Ren laughed nervously, thankful that he could keep his hair back. He always felt like he was overly vulnerable if he couldn’t have good vision around him– with the way that Akira wore his curly hair and the blurry vision without glasses, he supposed that Akira was like a cute, oblivious sheep while he was more like a sharp eyed wolf. He felt suddenly conflicted that he thought to that sort of phrasing first, but his moment of self judgment was interrupted by the question he had been dreading the whole morning.

“Yeah, I meant to ask earlier– your eye colour is different too!” Ann said, muffled from half a bun in her mouth. 

“O-oh, Takemi-san asked me to try out a pair of contacts for something,” Ren lied, having found a viable excuse, but wanting very much to get away from this line of interrogation. 

“But you’re wearin’ your glasses,” Ryuji said dumbly, staring closely at Ren’s face. 

Shit, he’s still wearing glasses! “That’s because they’re not prescription, it’s– something else, I’m not sure…” Ren stuttered, feeling just a bit stressed out with how much effort he was needing to put in just for a conversation. “Um, oh hey, what should our next move be…?” he asked in attempts to divert from the conversation entirely. It worked, as they changed topics until the bell rang to summon them all back to their classrooms. 

Ren huffed a sigh once he got back to his desk and was opening another notebook to prepare for the next class when his phone buzzed in his pocket, followed by more vibrations. He pulled his phone out to take a look quickly before the teacher began speaking.

[From Ryuji: oi are u free after school today for a just us bro date?]

[From Ryuji: or just like to hang out n stuff not like that wwww]

[From Ryuji: but just us bc we havent hung out just us in a while] 

[From Ryuji: uh yeah im just feelin ramen wanna go]

Oh, Ryuji. Of course, Ren would go on _any_ bro date that Ryuji’s little bro heart desired. _Anything._ He briefly entertained the idea of taking things with Ryuji further like he did in his own universe, only barely restrained by the reminder that he was to continue the integrity of Akira’s reputation. Holding his phone under the desk, Ren texted a response.

[From Akira: Sure! I can meet you at the gates after school?] 

[From Ryuji: yaaaa! sounds good kira kira!! (ﾉ´ヮ`)ﾉ*: ･] 

_Oh, Ryuji._

“Kira kira?” he repeated to himself, a hint of a smirk on his face. What a cutesy nickname. He wasn’t sure if that was better or worse than “Renren”, his own nickname from his Ryuji. He wondered what happened in this world to make this Ryuji so… affectionate. Either way, he tucked his phone away and paid attention to the lecture, mentally nudging Akira every now and then to see if he was awake but getting no response.

* * *

“Heeey! Over here!” Ryuji called from across the street when Ren left the school building. He braced himself for what would probably be a very painful few hours as he approached his friend, waving a hand. The blond grinned widely, bouncing from foot to foot like he was just bursting with sunshine. Did Akira have this profound of an effect on this Ryuji that he would be sending kaomoji and be on the verge of engulfing Ren in a hug whenever he was within his sight? 

“Ramen! We haven’t been able to go in a while, but we should make this a weekly thing again!” he declared, fist pumping with even more excitement. Obviously Akira and Ryuji were close, then, if they had a weekly ramen date. Ren groaned internally, not being a huge fan of ramen himself. He made another futile call into the abyss for Akira to reappear one last time before he was whisked into walking towards the station. 

The train ride to their “usual” ramen place was surprisingly quiet, Ryuji seeming to just be enjoying the company of Ren. He peered out the window to watch the landscape go by with a sort of wonder in his eyes as if it was the very first time he was seeing it. Then, of course, Ren noticed that the display of innocence was only half there in reality– in addition to his sight seeing, he was using the window to steal glances at cute girls behind him. He was rightfully embarrassed when Ren called him out on it, muttering about how he had never noticed before. So really, Ren wasn’t sure how to sum up this version of Ryuji, an innocent, excitable, earnest and playful boy compared to the more deliberate, temperamental but reckless young man that he was used to. But all of that could be used to describe Ryuji, it just seemed that different characteristics stood out depending on his environment. They _were_ the same person after all, and Ren and Akira would no doubt be very different influences. 

_’Wonder who’s the better one,’_ Ren thought to himself sarcastically on the way to the restaurant. He tried his best to keep up conversation while walking, finding the balance between being talkative and being quiet. They sat themselves at the counter where Ryuji passed Ren a menu.

“Mmm! I can’t wait to have all that salty hot broth in my mouth!” Ryuji grinned, licking his lips in anticipation while his eyes browsed the menu items. Ren choked on the gulp of water that he was sipping, an alarmed look on his face. Dear god, if his Ryuji was this shameless, he would have had a _much_ easier time–! 

“What’re ya gonna get, Kira kira?” he asked, leaning towards Ren. He coughed even more at the use of the nickname again. 

“I’ll get Shio, as usual,” he mumbled, dabbing delicately at his mouth with a napkin. Ryuji’s brow furrowed. 

“Not Shoyu?” he asked, looking back at the menu, “The Shoyu’s got extra bamboo shoots in it!”

Without thinking, Ren looked back down at the menu and said what he wanted to say and not what he needed. “I’m not really a big fan of bamboo shoots,” he said, eyes scanning the pictures to see if there was anything else he wanted to order instead. There was a strange silence next to him. Ren turned to see Ryuji with wide eyes, mouth half agape in shock, and realized that he had made a mistake.

“ _What?!_ Dude, you always eat my bamboo shoots ‘nd you order more on the side, what do you _mean_ you’re not a big fan?” Ren mentally punched himself for not being more careful– in his defense, he was taken off guard by Ryuji’s salty hot broth!

Before he could think of a solution, Ryuji’s facial expression calmed into one of understanding and also, for some reason, sadness. “Wait… were you just eating my bamboo shoots because you felt bad and I didn’t want them…?” he asked, brows knit together in genuine worry. “Dude, you don’t gotta lie to me so I don’t look like a loser wasting food!” 

It seemed that, no matter the universe, Sakamoto Ryuji was just always going to be a bit of a brick wall. Ren was unknowingly given an out, and he intended to take it. He rubbed the back of his head, flustered, trying to make sure he wouldn’t screw over Akira in the future if the quieter one really _did_ like eating bowls of bamboo shoots for whatever unholy reason. “Uhm, like… I’m not a big fan of bamboo shoots because I don’t really love them every time… you know?” he said, willing himself to not stare at Ryuji in anxious wait. Thankfully, Ryuji’s reaction was near instantaneous.

“Oh, hell! I get what you mean, Kira kira! It’s like how I don’t always like eatin’ scrambled eggs even though that’s one of the few things I know how to cook,” Ryuji said, officially satisfied with Ren’s excuse, his response begging even more questions. He picked up his menu again and pointed at another menu item. “See, with this one you can pick your soup and then pick your toppings!” Ren breathed out an internal sigh of relief and leaned over to look. It was proving to be very difficult to pretend to be Akira when he didn’t know all of the little details like his apparent love for bamboo shoots.

They decided on what they wanted and gave the chef their order, an order that was completely free of bamboo shoots, as Ryuji made sure. They both splurged on extra chashu instead, with an onsen tamago each. As they received their food, Ren clapped his hands together to say “itadakimasu”, wondering how it was possible for one “pure” boy to spout so many unintentional sexual innuendos about himself, all using ramen. From the “salty hot broth” comment from before, to “beautiful glistening meat”, to “not minding when hot liquid splashes his face while he ate”, Ren was starting to wonder if he should have done a sort of bet with himself over how accidentally explicit he would get. Even worse, it was getting increasingly hard to act like Akira and not like Ren, who would eagerly give the worst one liners back to him every single time, would this be his own universe.

The whole unfortunate situation eventually came to a climax– he laughed dryly to himself at that– when Ryuji had packed his mouth full with two slices of chashu, swallowing it all down with a very satisfied sigh. 

“Damn, I love stuffing my face with meat!” he said, patting his belly in satisfaction. That’s it. Ren grit his teeth and decided to hold himself back no longer. 

“I mean, if you come over after this you could do more of that,” he said, looking up at Ryuji from over his glasses, heavy lidded and terribly coquettish. Poor Ryuji froze in place as he tried to process what his beloved Kira kira had just suggested to him. 

“...Huh?” Ryuji finally said, tilting his head involuntarily. 

_”Um… I think this was a bad time to wake up,”_ a familiar, tired voice rang in Ren’s head. 

Fucking hell.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ramen notes for people whove never had ramen at a restaurant;  
> shio = salt, its less rich and more light  
> shoyu = soy sauce, its a bit richer and is usually the "house" broth  
> chashu = pork belly  
> onsen tamago = soft poached boiled egg
> 
> if youve never had ramen at a restaurant id suggest trying it out sometime its a good experience
> 
> ALSO if you want a reference for how ren wears his hair he literally looks like [ritsu from caligula](https://78.media.tumblr.com/c3b011b2995406226289d4b5522ea07b/tumblr_p7ys6o8U5z1wsajfio2_1280.jpg), i planned it before i knew of this dont judge me
> 
> stay tuned for moro akechi


	4. nostalgia

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ren is faced with an unpleasant reminder of the differences between him and Akira.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HELLO im still doin this. this i still happening. im actually quickly throwing this chapter up right before i run off to work so my apologies if there are typos and stuff, this is actually pretty unbeta'd as well
> 
> theres another, more nsfw version of the initial scene but it was a bit out of place here. i can post it somehow later on, or you can dm me on twitter if youd like to read it! 
> 
> thank you again for all your support! you can find my twitter at @[laprincenico](https://twitter.com/laprincenico)! thanks to liam, kayla and del for being a lot of help with this chapter.
> 
> -♔

“You awake?”

“Mm,”

The sunrise streamed through the cloudy windows of the attic, dust dancing within the sunlight but warm all the same. Ren laid on his side, his elbow propping himself up against the pillows, his hair messily swept back as usual. He felt very satisfied, a hand threading through the blonde hair of his companion as he contemplated the upcoming day’s events. Ryuji’s arms wrapped around Ren’s waist, clinging in a way that was a sad attempt to retain a more masculine positioning in this. His sleepy face was always Ren’s favourite when they woke up after a sleepover, all droopy eyes and squished cheeks as Ryuji mashed his face further into Ren’s chest. He shifted, tangling his leg between Ryuji’s to meld their bodies together more, a ghosted resemblance of the night prior. The poor boy made a muffled squeaking noise against Ren at the sudden added contact, shifting himself so he could pretend he wasn’t offering all control to the other in this situation. But though he’d never admit it, all Ryuji wanted was to be held, Ren had learned. 

“‘M hungry,” Ryuji mumbled after a while of laying there together. Reluctantly, he pushed at Ren to untangle himself and roll onto his back, staring at the ceiling. He prodded absentmindedly at the tender spots on his neck and collarbone, nothing too high, but something that still held the risk of being shown off if he wasn’t careful. A dull pain tinged along his skin, across the expanse of his throat, forever present like a light grip around him.

“Checking my handiwork?” Ren asked playfully, rolling overtop and moving to plant his hands on either side of Ryuji’s head. He could see the dark marks he had left on Ren’s neck too– he was clearly getting better at leaving them, something he felt proud and oddly guilty of. He bet that the ones on his own neck were twice as dark, with how rough Ren tended to be. Ryuji turned his face to look the other way, cheeks flustered. 

“‘M hungry,” he repeated. Ren clicked his tongue at being ignored but conceded, leaning down to give his companion a slow and tender kiss instead. He relished in the shudder that jolted through Ryuji’s body, knowing that the contrast of this and the night prior would just confuse him even further. This time he didn’t push him off, though. 

“Let’s get you some breakfast–” Ren said, lifting himself off the bed and heading towards the stairs. Ryuji hesitated, blankets pooling at his lap, looking something like a beautiful goddess with the sun streaming behind him, a wide eyed stare fixed on Ren’s back. “...Sojiro took the day off, so it’s just us. C’mon,” Ren added at Ryuji’s silence. That seemed to be enough to convince him. He heard footsteps behind him and continued down the stairs. Though Ryuji was probably the better cook, Ren had a feeling he may not be in the best state of mind to do anything requiring any dexterity. He picked up a frying pan from the hooks on the wall, grabbed a few eggs, slices of bread and pieces of bacon and began to cook. He finally got a good look at Ryuji since leaving bed, noticing that his face was still reddened and he had the blanket wrapped around his shoulders. Chuckling at his aversive gaze, he started to boil some water to make some drinks to go with their breakfast.

“What’re you laughing at,” Ryuji mumbled, less of a question and more of a statement, picking at the edge of the blanket. Ren turned and gave him quite the charming smirk in return, plenty of an answer in lieu of words. Ryuji scoffed and bobbed his head back down to study the grain of the wooden counter. Should he feel bad about exploiting Ryuji’s attention hungry nature and essentially making him to be just a play thing, as long as he tugged the strings just right? Well, he got what he wanted, and arguably Ryuji got what he wanted as well. He never dwelled on it for too long. He fixed together a hot chocolate and topped it up with coffee to make sure it was sweet enough, then slid it across the counter. Soon enough, the food followed, and the two of them ate in some sort of charged silence. 

“You know, for just wanting to pretend you’re practicing with a girl, you sure do come back often,” Ren finally said in between sips of coffee. Ryuji stiffened, a hand reaching up to adjust the blankets. With his sudden movement, it fell off his shoulders altogether, leaving him bare. He left it on the ground and kept eating after a moment of deliberation of whether to pick it up or not. Ren raised an eyebrow and turned to be fully facing him, an elbow propped up on the counter.

“You’re always so quiet after we fuck, what’s wrong?” he asked, the explicitness of his words making Ryuji put his fork down, swallowing the bite in his mouth like cement. His face steadily turned a brighter shade of red, creeping up to the tips of his ears. 

“...’s embarrassing,” he mumbled, glancing over towards Ren, but not quite looking at him. He coughed to clear his throat and sighed, continuing. “You always leave marks so high up, ‘nd I never know how to explain that to anybody, so it’s just embarrassing–” 

“Am I just a secret, then?” Ren replied, tone still smooth as before. Ryuji stared down at the pattern of egg yolks on his plate, still having trouble processing what he was feeling, what he wanted, who Ren was to him– all he knew was that whatever it all was, it’s probably what Ren wanted, and he couldn’t say that he _didn’t_ want it. 

“...Yeah. I guess. You are.”

* * *

Ren rubbed at his eyes in annoyance that he had landed himself in this position. He was tempted to plaster his face into his bowl of ramen at this point, but god knows that would just make matters worse. Akira was continuing to prod him in his head with “what’s going on,” and “what did you just say,” and “can I have my body back,” while Ryuji was giving him quite the owlish look combined with a steadily reddening face as he realized what he meant. This was too much. 

_”Just– Just say something!”_ Akira cried in his head. To his great fortune, Ryuji reached up and felt the heat off his cheeks, suddenly jumping to his feet right after. 

“Hey, I gotta use the washroom! I’ll be back–” he said before promptly speedwalking towards the corner of the restaurant, where Ren was almost positive was the kitchen, not the washrooms. At the very least, he was alone now. 

“Wonder if he headed off to relieve himself,” Ren mumbled into his glass of water before taking a very long sip.

_”Ren!”_ Akira barked, _”Give me my body back!”_ It was probably the loudest tone of voice that he had ever heard from Akira, like a mouse squeaking angrily at its owner. It would be so easy to just tune out altogether and leave Akira behind in his head, but that wouldn’t do either. Ren laughed drily and picked up his chopsticks, stirring the contents of his bowl idly as he kept thinking of ways out of this that he wish he could do. 

“You think that I would have if I knew how, huh?” he said, “Besides, I’ve been trying all day, Sleeping Beauty. ” Despite that, he closed his eyes and made an effort to try again and relinquish control– but nothing happened, predictably. 

“Maybe it’d be more productive to figure out the gameplan right _now_ and fix this later,” he added, watching the door of the washrooms from the corner of his eye. There wasn’t much time until Ryuji would come back, after all, unless he was planning on leaving his “Kira kira” with the bill. Akira took a deep breath to steady himself, still managing to sound distressed.

_”Sorry. This must be stressful to you too... We should get home as soon as possible after leaving Ryuji,”_ he said. Ren mulled the apology over in his head, wondering if Akira could hear his thoughts right now– considering the lack of commentary on his less than savory solutions, probably not. It really would be panic inducing to lose control of your body to some other version of yourself, he admitted. As some sort of strange peace offering, Ren picked up a bamboo shoot from Ryuji’s bowl and shoved it into his mouth. He grimaced a little as his teeth crunched over the slippery vegetable, hoping that such an odd action could help relieve the tension. 

_”...Are you trying to eat a food I like to make me feel better about this?”_ Akira asked incredulously when he realized what Ren was doing.

“Is it working?” Ren laughed, twirling the chopsticks in his hand.

“What’s working?” said Ryuji behind him. Ren continued to twirl the chopsticks, grimacing at the flecks of soup that spun off the bamboo as he did so. 

“I tried eating a bamboo shoot to see if I could like it right now. I guess it really is on and off,” he said nonchalantly, looking up at Ryuji. “You okay?” 

“Ah– yeah! We should get the bill, I gotta get home to help my ma,” Ryuji replied, face reddening slightly. It was really taking all of Ren’s strength not to continue flirting with him in such a state– really, was something as harmless as flirting really something that could cause such an issue? He’s never had that sort of reaction before. Or so he thought.

After a small squabble over who would take the bill, Ren and Ryuji parted ways, leaving Ren with his miffed host in his head. The way home was mostly filled with Ren filling Akira in about what happened that day– despite his displeasure at the day’s turn of events, he was at least relieved that Ren took care of the math test. 

_“So you just woke up able to control my body?”_ Akira asked, trying to fit all the puzzle pieces together. _”I remember when I woke up, everything felt like a lag or something, and then I blacked out… were we both controlling my body or something until I passed out?”_

“Yeah. Probably, at least. That makes the most sense. It’s never been able to happen before, at least I don’t think,” Ren replied, sighing to himself. “Not that I want that to ever happen again. Being you is exhausting.” 

_”How is being me exhausting? I don’t even do anything,”_ Akira scoffed, affronted.

“That’s exactly why,” Ren retorted, smirking despite the probability that Akira couldn’t see. Akira sighed again, leaving the discussion at that. The two were just about to get to the train station when they heard a shout from behind them.

“Oi! Prisoner! Get over here!” shouted Caroline, marching towards them with her baton in hand, her form looking blurry and tinged with blue flames from being in the real world.

“Hey–!” Ren yelped as she grabbed his wrist and yanked it roughly to tug him along. “What the hell– Let go, let me just walk–” he sputtered, struggling to be on his own two feet properly. She didn’t listen, fingers gripping into his skin even more, only letting go once she had flung open the door to the Velvet Room and kicked him inside.

Ren found himself in the blue tinted prison, outside of his cell for once, standing by the desk of Igor instead. 

“Something’s off!” Caroline declared, punctuated by her striking her baton against the metal bars. Igor folded his hands together carefully, peering up at Ren.

“Yes, indeed… you have taken over Kurusu-kun’s body, have you not?” Igor asked curiously, his nose tilting up.

“Um… not intentionally. We just woke up this way,” Ren explained. Akira was strangely quiet– was he scared? Igor chuckled in return, holding a hand out towards him.

“Well, that is not part of your job, is it?” Igor began, making Ren brace himself. Would he really get punished for an accident? To his relief, Igor smiled more genuinely as he continued. “That just means that you are certainly far more powerful than him, Amamiya-kun. Be careful in future, as this is still his story, not yours.” 

“Does that mean the prisoner’s guest is capable of possessing him?” Justine piped up, brows knit in concern. 

“Perhaps. All Personas are capable of doing so, really– such a connection is formed over trust, and the strength of both the host and the Persona. Whether it is telepathic communication or possession is dependant on the bond.” Igor looked terribly amused at the situation. He beckoned Ren closer with a crooked finger. 

“I assume you haven’t been able to make things right again, Amamiya-kun?” Igor asked, to which Ren shook his head. He stepped closer to the desk as instructed, hoping that Igor could help for once. “No matter, I will fix this. Kurusu-kun, this just means that you must have the strength so that Amamiya-kun does not “hijack” you with such permanence again in future.” Without ceremony, Igor reached out and tapped Ren on the shoulder, instantly making him feel dizzy, his vision blurring. When it all cleared, he had the perspective of Akira’s surroundings that he was used to. 

“Ah… thank you, Igor,” Akira mumbled, hand reaching up instinctively to fumble with his hair. When he realized it was tucked back, he tugged his curly locks back to where they belonged, in his face. 

“Of course. I am looking forward to seeing more of your progress, Kurusu-kun,” Igor said, bidding them farewell. The room began to spin into an incoherent mess of black and blue until Akira found himself leaning on a garbage can in a Shibuya alley. Iwai stood at his door, an eyebrow raised. 

“Huh, ya didn’t answer my text. You’re helping today, right?” he said, arms crossed. Regardless of whatever answer Akira could give him, though, Iwai shouldered the door open to let him in, giving him little weight in his decision. He obliged, though, as it would give him some time to process the day before needing to do homework based off the material he didn’t learn.

* * *

[From Ann: so yeah, i cant believe theyve got me working with such a big magazine!! :0]

[From Ann: luckily its scheduled for the holiday break so i wont have to miss school or exams eheh]

[From Ann: anyway whats up with you?]

[From Ryuji: i had ramen with akira today. it was kinda weird tho]

[From Ann: ?]

[From Ann: weird how?]

Ryuji put his phone at his side and laid down on his bed, covering his face with his hands. This wasn’t anything that was particularly distressing, but he was always one who acted first and thought later, and the weird nudging feeling in him didn’t seem to be something to just ignore. Something had felt off for a little while, really, and he generally needed help to piece together the puzzle for him. He was always so glad to have Ann as a best friend, she complimented him perfectly for what he lacked, and translating his gut instinct was one of them. His phone buzzed again, then a second time– he peeked at his screen and saw that Ann was calling him. He picked up the phone. 

_”You didn’t answer my question. What’s up?”_ Ann’s voice said, instantly a calming presence for Ryuji’s nerves. 

“Oh. Sorry, I was thinking,” Ryuji responded, laying back down in his bed. He hummed for a moment as he thought of how to phrase it. 

“Ann, you’re like… good at seeing how other people usually are ‘nd stuff, right?” he asked.

_”I mean, I hope so! Why?”_

“I think like… I dunno, ‘m worried. Do you think Akira’s doing okay?” Ryuji fidgeted with the corner of his duvet. 

_”Um… yeah? Why wouldn’t he be?”_ Ann asked, sounding a bit concerned at the line of questioning.

“I’m just worried! Like, he’s just been kinda quieter ‘nd shit for the past while, and his favourite ramen is now his favourite ramen only sometimes–”

_”Uh–?”_

“–and he was talking to himself too, and also he made a pass at me–”

_”Excuse me– **what?!** ”_ Ann said in shock.

“He made a pass at me–” Ryuji repeated, his brow furrowing.

_”No, I heard that– what did he even say?”_ The sound of fabric rustling could be heard from her end of the line as she rolled over in bed. 

“I, uh… can’t remember. I think I was saying something about stuffin’ my face with meat–”

_”Ryuji–”_

“Shut up– and then he said if I went over to his place, I could do more of that or somethin’...” Ryuji rubbed at his cheeks, cursing them for getting warm again. “Did I like… is he into me ‘nd I didn’t even know or somethin’?” 

_”Hmm…”_ Ann hummed. _”I… don’t know. That really is weird, though…”_

“Can you like… keep an eye on him? You’re good at that sorta thing,” Ryuji asked, sounding so defeated that Ann could hardly say no. Not that she would say no to helping her best friend out in the first place.

_”Yeah, sure. Get your mind off it, okay? We’ve got school tomorrow,”_ Ann suggested in hopes that Ryuji would be able to maybe do his homework for once instead. 

“Yeah. Thanks, Ann, it means a lot,” he said, the relieved grin on his face audible in his voice. 

_”Of course. Goodnight, Ryuji.”_

“Night.” 

Ann hung up the phone and rolled onto her front, blonde hair splaying across her pillows. She pouted as she tried to link all of the points that Ryuji brought up together, unable to find a connection. Maybe Akira had always liked Ryuji in that way? It was clear that Ryuji has had the most oblivious crush on Akira since he transferred, so maybe it would work out nicely if that was the case. But still, something didn’t connect. 

“Psh, boys…” she mumbled. She filed the thoughts away for another day, mentally taking note to keep an eye out from then on, to see if something was up with Akira for real– or if it was all just imagination.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> stay tuned........ for moro akechi


End file.
